Sci-Fi Friday 1: Cowboys and Aliens and Video Games

I'm kind of on a Cowboys and Aliens trip this week, but I had no idea a new trailer was going to come out yesterday. It fleshes out the plot a bit more and has a lot more action, all set to Favreau style rock music, which is cool in the trailer but if put in the movie would cause me to scream uncontrollably at the screen in confusion. It's just a reflex. Also, we get our first peek at Sam Rockwell, one of my favorite actors, as some sort of sidekick character maybe? He looks like he might be a doctor or something. Hopefully Favreau knows how to use him this time around, unlike the terrible role he was given in Iron Man 2, the film also known as How Many Avengers Tie Ins can We Get Away With in 2 Hours?

I love this type of genre mashup and I'm really excited for this movie. I just read the graphic novel it's based on, which is clearly only an adaptation in name. Craig, Ford, Wilde, and Rockwell play characters that appear nowhere in the comic and I assume nowhere in the movie we will be treated to old fashioned, mildly racist depictions of Native Americans. Just like your grandpa used to watch!

Hit the jump for more Sci-Fi Friday junk on the future of cinematic video games.

Thursday Pitch: 1D Movies

Just look at those faces, their minds are blown

3D movies just don't make sense. The  concept behind them is supposedly that when we watch movies, a dimension has somehow been removed in the transition from real life to the screen. We aren't seeing the image as it was meant to be seen. And by wearing a pair of Bono's extra sunglasses we can somehow restore this missing dimension to its original and intended glory. This, however, poses a few blaring questions.

Most importantly, who the hell is seeing shit in three dimensions?

Your Nana was into some weird stuff

The human eye does basically the same thing a camera does, it receives incoming light and interprets it as images and colors. And much like in movies, what we see as depth is created by differences in size and focus. The truth is we see in two dimensions. Seeing in three dimensions, on the other hand, implies that you could see every angle of something. And no matter how many times you are told otherwise by your grandparents, who claim they did shrooms with Picasso in the 60's, that is just not possible.

All 3D does is exaggerate the existing depth in movies, thereby corrupting the original image. And on top of that, the glasses are uncomfortable, restrictive, and provide you with a darker, low quality image. Yet almost every big movie these days is released in 3D and they continue to make millions. Therefore, in keeping with this line of thought, I have come up with the next big thing. If 3D was revolutionary, then this should make BILLIONS!

1D MOVIES

And all it takes is a pair of these:

Basically spray paint 3D glasses and stab holes in them

Hit the jump for more on this revolutionary new format!

Wallpaper Wednesday 1

A while back I did a search for a Cowboys & Aliens desktop. I was sorely disappointed with the results. I was hoping for something more in the style of an Indiana Jones type poster. Like the saying goes, if you want something done, Photoshop. Then again, my parents were robots. Hugs were painful. Anyways, here's the result.

Movie of the Week 1

So, for these Movie of the Week days, I want to do something other than feed you some recent blockbuster that you've probably already seen or a classic that you've seen a million times. The Dark Knight. The Godfather. Mary frigging Poppins. I don't want that. You don't want that. Don Corleone doesn't want that. If he hears his name uttered one more time on a film blog his undead corpse will hunt me down and bite a sizeable chunk out of my neck. And I like my neck. It keeps my chin warm.

Zombie Mary Poppins would show less mercy

So instead of rehashing the same crap you've heard a million times, and in order to avoid a fictional character zombie uprising, I will put the spotlight on a lesser known movie that I think everyone should see. It may be an indie movie or one that flopped in theatres or one whose age has caused it to be forgotten, but rest assured, whatever goes in this post each Tuesday will be the certified cat's pajamas. Certificate and everything.

With a minor in being "The Bee's Knees"

So, without further ado, the first Movie of the Week is...

Brick (2005)

Directed by newcomer Rian Johnson and starring a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt, this is a film that attempts to show that grand stories can be found in even the most unlikely of places. It's your classic detective noir film but with a twist; This seedy mystery takes place within the bounds of a high school drama. But make no mistake, this tale of deciet, drugs, and murder is no kids fare. If the cast of High School Musical was thrown into this setting, they'd be pissing their shiny new gym shorts.

Hit the jump for more on this modern detective classic.

Everything in its place

So, I've decided that, from now on, each day of the week will have a theme. Here they are:

Mediocre Monday: Monday is a day of pain and suffering. Commiserate with me as I poke fun at a terrible movie, actor, or some other awful thing.

Tuesday Movie of the Week: I showcase a movie you need to see, new or old.

Wallpaper Wednesday: More or less a day off for me, but you still get a cool movie-related desktop wallpaper made either by me or borrowed off the net.

Thursday Pitch: I will pitch a film that Hollywood has to make, sometimes serious, sometimes sarcastic.

Sci-Fi Friday: All things sci-fi. Maybe news on an upcoming film or a fun article about something older. Who knows?

Saturday Grab Bag: Whatever tickles my fancy at the moment.

And on the seventh day, He rested.

I'll try to post most days but I'll probably miss a day here and there. And odds are that I'll get bored or annoyed with this schedule at some point and change it, but for now this is it. Your first Tuesday Movie of the Week post will come tomorrow morning.

Hit the jump for your make-up Mediocre Monday post.

Just in Time for Halloween... Right?

So, I thought long and hard about wanting to contribute something worthwhile to the internet. About creating something original and new that would stand out from the mass of film review and news sites out there. I spent a very long time contemplating this issue.

Then I got bored and made a countdown of the 20 best monster movies.

First, before I start counting down, I have a disclaimer: This is a list of only films I have seen. Chances are, if you think a movie is missing, it's because I haven't seen it (ex. Alien, The Thing, Predator). Reviewing movies I have yet to watch would take psychic abilities I do not possess. However, there are a few obvious exceptions. Movies I refuse to include in this list due to their supreme awfulness are:

I'll eat your children and lay eggs in them.

The Mummy (1999)

(For paying Brendan Fraser to act)

 The Mummy Returns

(For continuing to support Brendan Fraser's film Career)

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

(I hate Brendan Fraser)

He knows what he did. Now, this is not strictly which movies are best, but which exemplify the best that the monster movie genre has to offer, either by breaking new ground or by showing us just how good the classic formula can be in the right hands. And keep in mind that I love every single one of these movies to death, I just like some of them more than others in a sort of creepy, mutant, Animal Farm fashion.

So grab a pen and start making a list for your next movie marathon. Hit the jump to start the countdown.

Testing, Testing...

Hello world (or whatever 2 people are actually reading this), my name is Doug. Yes, just Doug. I'm uncomfortable with the series of tubes that is the internet, so let's leave it at first names. Yours can be Shirley. Yes, that sounds about right. Shirley.

"LIBERTAAAAAAD!"

Anyways, Shirley, this is my first attempt at a blog so who knows what kind of shenanigans may end up taking place here. As far as I know, there are no limits. Feel welcome to yell "Freedom!" in your best Scottish accent.

No, that was Irish.

Spanish.

Close enough.

"Together We Stand (Up)", my nearly finished documentary short

Since you seem just a tad verbally challenged, let's talk a little more about me. I am a film student in Chicago, I love dark drama and thrillers, and I enjoy moonlit walks along the beach. I am in post production on a documentary short about two beginner stand-up comedians, production on a short about a repentant thief, and pre-production on two other future projects. Here are some of my current favorite movies, in no particular, but very specific order:

"In Bruges"

"Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade"

"Frankenstein"

"Moon"

"The Dark Knight"

I'm also a gigantic comic book nerd, so if that bleeds into this blog and you have a problem with that then please change your mind. In any case, this is a site I maintain for fun and would like to keep it that way, so keep comments positive or at least in line with my own opinions. I like my followers mindless and obedient, with only the occasional human sacrifice.

Are "Braveheart" references still funny? Mel cop says yes.

So that's about it, Shirley. If you want any more information from me you'll have to try some more impressive interrogation techniques, like good cop/bad cop. Or maybe good cop/sad cop. Or, God forbid, the dreaded good cop/Mel cop. Giving new meaning to "boys in blue".

I know what you're thinking. "Surely, you can't be serious. This blog seems too good to be true." But I am serious, and your name is Shirley, so be sure to check back here every once in a while to hear my latest rants and ramblings about movies. And I will try to avoid any more "Braveheart" jokes... but no guarantees.